The Universal Gazette Special Headline: Willy Wonka's Factory Found in State of Mass Confusion
The sane majority of America is scratching their heads at a discovery that proves that nothing can be proven for sure. While on a walk through the existentially questionable State of Mass Confusion, Frank Sun was said to have found the actual factory belonging to the literally literary figure, Willy Wonka.
"He even came out, greeted me, and invited me to look around his factory," Frank said.
Reputable scholars and geography teachers argue that Frank's story is a hoax. "Neither the State of Mass Confusion, nor Oompaland where Willy Wonka supposedly found the Oompa Loompas, exist anywhere on Planet Earth," said one geography teacher, Mr. Teevee.
Some scholars proposed that the two do exist, only on shifted dimensions. Some even went as far to say that the two worlds compete with each other for delicious food, as evidenced by the shortage of delicious food in Oompaland and the bounty of such food in the State of Mass Confusion.
Other scholars say that these scholars have simply been playing too much Tales of Symphonia in their free time.
Frank has admitted to having played Tales of Symphonia a lot over the past few weeks. "I've already beaten the game once, but now I'm going through it again to pick up on all the stuff I missed out on the first time through. But aren't we getting a bit off-topic?"
Back on topic, Frank described the journey through the factory as "like walking through a fantasy world, where you know that anything and everything can happen. Except that it's not fantasy; it's pseudo-reality."
Scholars doubt that Frank's words can be trusted, because Frank has supposedly traveled through other fantasy worlds like Narnia, Middle-Earth (I need to go back there sometime, Frank said), Hogwarts, a galaxy far far away, the worlds of Kanto, Orre, and Hoenn where creatures known as Pokémon supposedly exist, Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, an entire universe, and, most suspicious of all, a place called Ditto Town.
"Those places simply do not exist!" exclaimed Mr. Teevee.
"He's been playing too much Tales of Symphonia in his free time," said many scholars.
NarniaWebber shastastwin says, "[Mr. Teevee and those scholars] have NO imagination whatsoever."
NarniaWebber Violet Vale says, "Ditto."
Nevertheless, that's why Frank enjoyed his trip through the factory. "Willy Wonka's chocolate factory definitely belongs here in the State of Mass Confusion," he said.
Our reporters were close to needing to sign into an asylum, so they asked only one more question: What did Willy Wonka look like?
Frank responded, "He looked like Johnny Depp. A LOT like Johnny Depp."
"He even came out, greeted me, and invited me to look around his factory," Frank said.
Reputable scholars and geography teachers argue that Frank's story is a hoax. "Neither the State of Mass Confusion, nor Oompaland where Willy Wonka supposedly found the Oompa Loompas, exist anywhere on Planet Earth," said one geography teacher, Mr. Teevee.
Some scholars proposed that the two do exist, only on shifted dimensions. Some even went as far to say that the two worlds compete with each other for delicious food, as evidenced by the shortage of delicious food in Oompaland and the bounty of such food in the State of Mass Confusion.
Other scholars say that these scholars have simply been playing too much Tales of Symphonia in their free time.
Frank has admitted to having played Tales of Symphonia a lot over the past few weeks. "I've already beaten the game once, but now I'm going through it again to pick up on all the stuff I missed out on the first time through. But aren't we getting a bit off-topic?"
Back on topic, Frank described the journey through the factory as "like walking through a fantasy world, where you know that anything and everything can happen. Except that it's not fantasy; it's pseudo-reality."
Scholars doubt that Frank's words can be trusted, because Frank has supposedly traveled through other fantasy worlds like Narnia, Middle-Earth (I need to go back there sometime, Frank said), Hogwarts, a galaxy far far away, the worlds of Kanto, Orre, and Hoenn where creatures known as Pokémon supposedly exist, Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, an entire universe, and, most suspicious of all, a place called Ditto Town.
"Those places simply do not exist!" exclaimed Mr. Teevee.
"He's been playing too much Tales of Symphonia in his free time," said many scholars.
NarniaWebber shastastwin says, "[Mr. Teevee and those scholars] have NO imagination whatsoever."
NarniaWebber Violet Vale says, "Ditto."
Nevertheless, that's why Frank enjoyed his trip through the factory. "Willy Wonka's chocolate factory definitely belongs here in the State of Mass Confusion," he said.
Our reporters were close to needing to sign into an asylum, so they asked only one more question: What did Willy Wonka look like?
Frank responded, "He looked like Johnny Depp. A LOT like Johnny Depp."
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7:42 PM
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